Friday, December 4, 2015

Dating Tips from the Torah

Finding the right partner is very important in one's life. I wanted to see what advice Torah gives about dating. Let's take a look:

Genesis 24:4 
"but unto my land and unto my kindred dost thou go, and hast taken a wife for my son, for Isaac"
As you can see, Abraham's advice is to go to your native land and to your kindred as it would be the most optimal solution to the problem. It was important for Abraham to find a wife for his son that would share his son's culture and heritage.

Genesis 28:2
"rise, go to Padan-Aram, to the house of Bethuel, thy mother's father, and take for thyself from thence a wife, of the daughters of Laban, thy mother's brother;"
As you can see from this verse, Isaac also wanted to find a wife for his beloved son from his own kind. This means that the most optimal solution is to go to your own kind to find a partner. If that is not possible, it is still preferable that one looks for someone from his own people and from his own land.

Now, let's see what is the most important quality in a woman according to the Torah...

Genesis 24:14
"and it hath been, the young person unto whom I say, Incline, I pray thee, thy pitcher, and I drink, and she hath said, Drink, and I water also thy camels)--her Thou hast decided for Thy servant, for Isaac; and by it I know that Thou hast done kindness with my lord."
As you can see, Torah makes emphasis on kindness above everything else. It is also worthy to note that of all Patriarchs wives only Rivkah was a virgin (Genesis 24:16).

Kindness is also most important quality in a man (husband) as well. Here is what Torah says:

Genesis 29:10 
"and it cometh to pass when Jacob hath seen Rachel, daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the flock of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob cometh nigh and rolleth the stone from off the mouth of the well, and watereth the flock of Laban his mother's brother."
Exodus 2:17 
"and the shepherds come and drive them away, and Moses ariseth, and saveth them, and watereth their flock."
Another important interesting fact that a source of water seem to be a good sign and a good place to meet your partner:

Genesis 24:13 
"lo, I am standing by the fountain of water, and daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water;"
Genesis 29:2 
"and he looketh, and lo, a well in the field, and lo, there three droves of a flock crouching by it, for from that well they water the droves, and the great stone is on the mouth of the well." 
Exodus 2:15 
"And Pharaoh heareth of this thing, and seeketh to slay Moses, and Moses fleeth from the face of Pharaoh, and dwelleth in the land of Midian, and dwelleth by the well."

It is also very interesting to note that Torah never makes any differentiation based on the color of the skin. However, as you can see from Genesis 24:4 and 28:2, Torah does not recommend interracial relationships due to cultural and spiritual differences.

Another issue is virginity. Torah says that the most optimal relationship is that with the virgin from your own people. Basically, every time you need to have an ideal to strive for, look at the High Priest. High Priest was Holy, meaning that he was most righteous and most observant of the Torah, most disciplined and most wise. Here is the passage:
YLT Lev 21:10 'And the high priest of his brethren, on whose head is poured the anointing oil, and hath consecrated his hand to put on the garments, his head doth not uncover, nor rend his garments, 
YLT Lev 21:11 nor beside any dead person doth he come; for his father and for his mother he doth not defile himself; 
YLT Lev 21:12 nor from the sanctuary doth he go out, nor doth he pollute the sanctuary of his God, for the separation of the anointing oil of his God is on him; I am Jehovah. 
YLT Lev 21:13  'And he taketh a wife in her virginity; 
YLT Lev 21:14 widow, or cast out, or polluted one--a harlot--these he doth not take, but a virgin of his own people he doth take for a wife,
YLT Lev 21:15 and he doth not pollute his seed among his people; for I am Jehovah, sanctifying him.'
So as you can see, if you can choose a virgin, do not hesitate and do so. Do not deny yourself purity and holiness. This is very important. Lev 21:15 explains that a non-virgin is not pure and polutes the man's seed with her previous partner's DNA.

Not to mention that virginity is a sign of discernment (and purity as noted above), so says a lot about such woman. This means that such woman will most likely never cheat on you or lie to you in any way. It is an insurance of sorts. Does not cover all situations but it does cover most ;)

Marry a virgin if you can, from your own people. Of the same color of the skin and culture. This is the best advice the Written Torah gives.

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